Friday, November 01, 2013

How to survive managing a digital agency and keep your sanity part I

A few pointers for those of you on agency side, and this is from the proverbial horses mouth on client side.

It all begins with trust, and you know what you have to earn that trust, you're not just selling me marketing tactics, you're there to help me find solutions to my business problems.

Some words of advice;
  • Don't not attend any previous meetings, then request an "out of the blue" catch up. 
  • Don't (just before 9.30, or any time of day) accuse your client of being an emotional weather vane 
  • Don't state that all the people on the project, mindlessly follow my direction, or take their lead from me.These men and women aren't running multi-million pound businesses 'cos they fell out of a tree or just stumbled into their roles.
  • By gosh you should have known that.
  • Don't begin to think you've got bigger bollocks than me, I'm not into that testosterone shit
  • Do your homework on the level of influence this team I have assembled has
  • And you know what? You fucking well should have.
  • Patronising me like I'm some sort of junior whose doesn't know what pot to piss in is never gonna fly, you arrogant twat

When you have actually invented...and I mean INVENTED (that means it never existed before) products that have driven millions of revenue on a global basis to the bottom line, when you have hand coded radical new ways of generating new and successful global products, when you have lived and breathed your whole adult life pushing the edges of where digital can go to, you may then potentially have a receptive client. But you have screwed with the wrong guy on this one.

I can tell you right now you have pissed me off something chronic, you rip my account director out of my team and have the nerve to walk in and think you, YOU are a better option. Telling me half truths and badly at that.

All of my agencies are a true  extension of my team and if I could I would have you straight on performance management as your attitude, behaviour and significant lack of insight was shocking.
If this is how the agency want to treat us then we have a VERY BIG big problem that YOU have created..

And you know the worst thing is I've had to put my job on the line for this project and you , well I've said as much as I'm going to say..

These words are based on fictitious incidents, any views are all my own and no organisations known, unknown or yet to be know have been harmed. Neither has any party been named, unamed, shamed, and at no point were kittens harmed or at the risk of harm. Additionally I have not named you and therefore there is no defamation, slander or professional injury.